The Great Coffee Saga ended like we all knew it would.
Monday: AJ called us together for the morning meeting and said he'd decided over the weekend to implement a "quality" policy, as the figures from the "quantify" policy show we all are spending too much time on work-related activity. Everyone has to estimate the value of the time spent in work-related activity, and hand that in at the end of each week too.
After he'd gone, I said you all should just take the work-related figure, divide it by three, then multiply one third by say … between £5 and £9, and the other two thirds by say … between £3 and £4.50, then total it up. He just wants any old figure and he won't know any different. James said it was terrible I could think of doing something as devious as that. I said did he want to sit down and work it out properly instead, but he said no, he'd go for the quick fix too.
Tuesday LeeAnn came out from watering Andy's flat plant to say there's a little mound in the middle. Donna said it's another plant trying to get out.
AJ said it was great how everyone had adapted so well to the decaf policy, and what a good idea it was, and how much money it was saving. James told him decaf is more expensive than regular. AJ said that couldn't be right - decaf was surely less expensive, as they didn't have the cost of putting the caffeine in. I said the cost was taking the caffeine out - coffee had it naturally. AJ asked if I was sure, and I said yes - they washed the caffeine out and that added to the price as it was extra work. Amy said yes, that's right, she'd seen a TV documentary about it only last night. There'd been these girls and a big conveyor belt and they were washing the beans with a man in a banana suit, and then a couple were drinking the coffee. I said what TV documentary, and she said it was a short one after the news last night. I said was it the one where all the girls were dancing along the conveyor belt with the banana, the coconut and the spoon and she said yes, that's the one and had I seen it too? I said yes, I'd seen it, but it wasn't coffee beans they were washing, it was raisins, and it was an advert for breakfast cereal. The couple drinking coffee was the advert after that one. She said she must've gone out and come back in, so she thought it was the same people. AJ wanted to know how much more decaf cost than regular coffee, so I told him.
He said it'd proved we all could do without caffeine, and maybe it'd be better if we all switched back to regular coffee. He told Fiona to buy in only regular from now on. I said we'd finish up the tin we had first, as we couldn't waste it.
Wednesday: Mike ran out of gas on the way home last night - he couldn't get a refill anywheres. He got as far as the garage two streets away, and had to leave it on the forecourt. I'm lucky, I walk to work.
LeeAnn's last boyfriend is in court again today, so she's taken the afternoon off to go see him. Donna said someone should go with her for support. She looked towards me but I pretended I hadn't heard. LeeAnn said she didn't need support, she'd be meeting some friends after and going to see a band in a pub. Donna wanted to know what pub, in case anyone else wanted to go - anyone else from work, for example - wanted to go, but when LeeAnn said we all recognised the name as the roughest pub in the neighborhood, with a fight every night and raided at least twice a week. Even Donna would have to admit there was no way I was going to go anywheres near it, even if I'd wanted to.
The big printer was working fine after the lunchbreak again. When Mike called in this morning he said he'd work from home, and nobody's told him the Coffee Problem's been resolved yet.
Thursday: LeeAnn came in seven minutes late - the bus didn't run and she got a lift from a guy on a motorbike. His name's Phil - she met him outside the court yesterday where she'd gone to see her last boyfriend, and she asked him to the pub to go see this band with her and her friends. She told us she'd found out he'd just been put on probation and had nowheres to go, so he's moved in with her.
There's a little shoot appeared in the center of Andy's flat plant. Isn't nature wonderful - to think of that tiny seed lying hidden there and only now beginning to come through? I guess I'll be back to normal tomorrow, but at the moment I could even kiss AJ.
Friday: The little shoot in the middle of Andy's flat plant grew some more in the night, and it's pushed its way through pretty well. It's definitely a second plant.
Amy went into town during the lunchbreak and came back in with five McD cartons. She said she'd passed McD and one of the counter staff had come out and asked her if everything was OK, as we all hadn't been in. She'd felt so guilty she'd ordered five large regulars to go. It doesn't taste as good somehow.
Donna came over after AJ had gone and said are you very unhappy LeeAnn's taken up with her new boyfriend? I said no, I hoped she'd be happy with him. She said I know how you feel - putting a brave face on it, you're a brave boy and if you want to talk about it I'm always there for you. I said I had to get on and finish this paperwork I was doing. She said yes, I understand, you bury yourself in work love. She sighed a bit more and said I hope you won't do anything foolish. I said no I won't, and she finally went off.