Amy nearly got eaten this week, and it was all AJ's fault.
Monday: AJ called us together for the morning meeting and said he'd decided over the weekend to implement a "concerted effort" policy. We all take too long to do things, so everyone must monitor their time and anything we all start must be completed within an hour. James said what if it takes longer, so AJ said it mustn't. He worked out yesterday he can do it, and if he can everyone can.
Amy and I spent over an hour recording the evening and weekend greetings, as she kept asking me to play it back and saying no, it doesn't sound right. Eventually I asked her what doesn't sound right, and she said it doesn't sound like my voice at all. I said it'll be OK, and we'll try it for a while before we record it again.
Tuesday: The automated phone system picked up several messages during the night, and the message light was flashing this morning. Amy said if the light's flashing it must be broken and will you fix it, so I went in and got the messages left overnight to play back. There were seventeen messages on there, but fifteen were blank where someone had been picking it up and just putting it back down again. The other two were heavy breathing. Amy said I called in a few times to listen to the message, but I didn't think I'd called in fifteen times. I said maybe you're the heavy breather - they only called in twice, but she said no, I called in more than twice, and it still doesn't sound like me. I deleted the messages and cleared the tape - we'll see what happens tonight.
Wednesday: LeeAnn came in 7 minutes late - the bus broke down.
The message light was flashing again this morning. There was just the one message on there, from the heavy breather. Amy said he sounds so sinister and what if he comes here? so I said he won't, and even if he does he's breathing so bad we'll hear him on the stairs and have time to lock the door. She said oh, alright then.
AJ came in and said he'd rung in once last night and twice the night before, to check if the automation was working. He'd been told there was no music on hold, and would I see to it. I said OK, there's an attachment you can put a tape or a CD player on - what sort of music do you want? He said something popular that people ringing in will know, so I said I'll look through my CDs and tapes tonight and see if I can find something.
The big printer wasn't working after the lunchbreak again. Walked over, pulled Mike's mobile charger, plugged the printer back in.
Thursday: I should have asked what sort of popular music AJ meant, as when I put Craig David on, he said take it off. I'd brought a few others in, but he said he'd never heard of any of them - I even got a compilation tape from the car, but he said no to that too.
He said get something classical, with strings and things, so I said I'd got one I'd bring in and Donna said she'd got a tape she'd bring in too.
AJ and Mike came in just before three and wanted me to stop what I was doing and go through a list of clients Mike had gotten hold of. AJ wanted them to be matched up to our invoice records, and I was to let him have it when it was finished. So I extracted the invoices to a database and started matching them up, but stopped at four when I'd spent over an hour on it. I went in and told AJ it wasn't finished but I couldn't do any more today. He said why so I told him I'd spent an hour on it now, so I'd start and do another hour on it tomorrow. He said carry on with it for the rest of the day, as he'd decided the "concerted effort" policy wouldn't apply to me if it was computer work that was going to take me longer than an hour.
Friday: I brought in the only classic string tape I've got to go onto the automated phone system, only to find AJ had come in early and left a message for us all to say he'd be at Head Office all day. It's the best of Santana, so it should be OK. Donna'd brought her strings tape in too - the Corrs. I put Santana on.
Amy went into AJ's office with three letters she'd typed up for him and started having hysterics in there - Donna ran over and found her clinging to the door. We all came over, LeeAnn got a chair for her, and she said she's never going in there on her own again. Apparently she'd gone to put the letters on his desk and the Killer Plant had snuck up behind her and rustled at her.
She knew it was coming for her as it was a sinister rustle, and it was between her and the door.
I said I'll go in and check but she started to get worked up again and said you shan't, you mustn't - you won't come out and we'll never see you again, and I'll never forgive myself. James said oh we won't get rid of him that easily, so LeeAnn said do you want a punch in the face, and don't you go in there on your own. All the others looked at James, so he said I'll come in with you if you want. I said no, I'll be OK. LeeAnn said how about you going in too, Mike? but he said no way.
I opened the door and went in, and Donna very kindly slammed it shut it behind me. The Killer Plant was still in the corner - of course. As I walked over to it I felt a breeze, so I turned around to see AJ had left one of his top windows open. I held my hand up to the window and there was a draught coming through, so I shut the window and came out.
LeeAnn and Fiona grabbed at me when I came out and Donna slammed the door closed behind me. I said get off, I'm OK, leave me alone. They all said are you sure you're alright, I said yes I was, until Donna, Fiona and LeeAnn pounced at me like that.
I said everything's fine and it was a false alarm - the window was open and the draught must have blown the leaves around. Donna opened the door and looked in, then said are you sure, because all the windows are closed. I said yes, I'd closed it before I came out, but Amy said she doesn't believe it and I'm just trying to make her feel better.